sarah palin – monica lewinsky – SNL?

Hmmm. Where else have I seen this? Unknown woman goes down on man in power, gets spot on Saturday Night Live, almost fulfills dreams of becoming an actress (or at least a national phenomenon)? OK, so the analogy isn’t perfect. The symmetry wobbles. Sarah Palin did not go down on McCain, unless by “going down on” we mean disrespecting the older guy you’re hooked up with, smiling in public but in private just holding on till he kicks the bucket and you can inherit the house, the money, and the power.

Have I become a sexist bitch? No, I don’t think so. Would I be equally vitriolic had John McCain picked a running mate with the same qualities as Palin but just male? Now that’s a really good question. What would such a creature look like?

Meet Harris Nilap. He’s 6′ 3″ and brawny, former quarterback of the Pineapple Warriors from a small-town high school in Hawai’i. Nilap was born in NJ and his family moved to Hawai’i when he was eleven. He’s worked hard to erase any NJ from his language, and when rural folks from Alabama hear him speak at rallies, they swear he was born in their hometown. As governor of Hawai’i, he’s backed several English-only initiatives that have failed — but only by small margins. Nilap is known for stirring up his rallies with lines such as “Get the terrorist out of your language!” and “A pineapple and a gun in every kitchen!” Nilap’s capture of the governorship surprised those who knew his only experience for the job was sitting on the city council of a small town.  Others knew Nilap owed his success to the backing of a clandestine separatist group in Hawai’i composed of disgruntled emigres from the eastern 48 states. One of these supporters has a website featuring pictures of his fully armed underground Armageddon getaway.

Harris is a family kind of guy. He’s got nine children. Oops! That’s classified information. Four of those kids are unacknowledged and the moms have paternity suits pending in court. Harris is violently pro-family. Just ask his wife about the times she’s called the domestic abuse hotline. 

So — if Palin were a guy, would I be blogging so much about him-her? I dunno. There’s just something about opportunism, using politics for one’s own gain and glory, appealing to hatred and jingoism in crowds, criminal activity, hypocrisy — just something about those things that really bothers me. They’re worth blogging about.

Right now, I miss Nora Dunn. Remember when she boycotted SNL because of Andrew Dice Clay’s appearance? Both she and Sinead O’Connor protested his misogynist attempts at humor. During Palin’s bit last night on SNL, Alec Baldwin’s patter includes him saying he can’t believe SNL will have Palin on since she stands for everything they’re against…are these empty words? Oh, yeah. It’s all about ratings. I wonder — were there any SNL folks who walked away feeling just a little bit dirty…


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